oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
