I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
