I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
