is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
