she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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