And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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