My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
