The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
