Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
