people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i love accidental penises.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
