matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
