I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
