Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
