Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
