I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
