Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
