i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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