You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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