I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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