No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
