There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
