How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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