Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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