Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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