if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
