she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
