so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
