Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Randomize
