matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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