Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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