I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
