What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
