are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
