I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
