I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
