lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
