i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
