This is not my ceiling
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
