She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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