Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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