I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize