shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize