thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
