Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
