I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
