No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
