My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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