I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
