Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
