It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Randomize
