it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
