when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
