is wine microwaveable?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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