So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
