Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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