I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
