We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize