He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize