hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think my tv is drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
