SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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