it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
