His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
