I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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